Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
