when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
