K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
