i may or may not be watching the land before time
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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