I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
