I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
