Duck Duck Cougar?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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