I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
