okay pat passed out under dana's car
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
