well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
