Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
