Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
