Don't you send me to vm
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
