Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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