Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
