3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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