I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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