i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
