So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
