The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
soo... how was my night?
Randomize