I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
