He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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