Kiss
Puke
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
