cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
