it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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