Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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