im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
