Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
