If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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