One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
