I just threw up on my dentist
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my liver is dry heaving
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
