Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
