So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
