you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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