you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
