so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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