this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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