Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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