I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
