This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
