I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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