Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
