If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
