I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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