I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
