did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
