I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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