yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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