Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
