I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
