Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
