The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
