at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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