He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
