I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
