Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
