If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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