You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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