goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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