I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
