I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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