There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize