I am in a vortex of obligation.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
