walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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