Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
