Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize