I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
