Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Randomize
