where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
