from now on my penis is your penis
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
