its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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