i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
