im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
