WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
