Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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