I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
