I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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