why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
