your parents love me but you hate me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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