her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
