super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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