We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i came on her dog
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
