it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
