Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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