stop calling my apartment porn island.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize