you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
