Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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