That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
