Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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