"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
