47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
