Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
