whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
