nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
