ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
