Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize