there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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