he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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