just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Soap is not a condiment
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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