He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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