Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
