This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
