I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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